20 Ways To Annoy Homestuck
by undyingUmbrage
Summary: Like the title says. Rated T because it's Homestuck. I don't own Homestuck.
1. Chapter 1: Karkat Vantas

I DO NOT OWN HOMESTuCK. HOMESTuCK AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY ANDREW HUSSY.

* * *

**1. Constantly ****call him a "Fuckass"  
**"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A FUCKASS, FUCKASS?"

**2. Create memos that he has to read in which you fight with your past and future selves about stupic stuff  
**"FOR FUCK'S SAKE AM I THIS ANNOYING?"  
"YES YOu ARE"

**remind him of how he just stood there like an idiot when Kanaya and Feferi died.  
**"WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? KILL ERIDAN? IT KANAYA COULDN'T FUCKING KILL HIM THEN I COULDN'T"  
"BuT KANAYA DID KILL HIM"  
"OKAY SO KANAYA DID FUCKING KILL HIM"

**4. Always imply that karkat was too much of a wuss to kill gamzee  
**"I DIDNT WANT TO KILL HIM. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M A WUSS"  
''YES IT DOES"

**5. It is Karkat's fault Gamzee went insane.  
**"HE RAN OUT OF SOPOR SLIME"  
"LIKELY STORY"

**6. Never let Karkat forget that he gave the human's universe cancer.  
**"I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO"  
"YOu STILL FuCKING DID"**  
**

**7. Then remind Karkat that he is a cancer, so technically he's cancer to everyone.  
**"IT'S THE HUMANS THAT GAVE MY SIGN THE NAME CANCER AND THE HUMANS SIGN IS REPRESENTED BY A CRAB"  
"THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOu'RE ALWAYS SO CRABBY"**  
**

**8. Always call him "Karkles" or "Karkitty"  
**"CALL ME FUCKING KARKITTY ONE MORE TIME"  
"FuCKING KARKITTY"  
A fist fight starts.  
"You Should Not Fight!"**  
**

**9. When he is addresses, say loud enough for him to hear, "Beep beep meow!"  
**"H3Y K4RK4T"  
"BEEP BEEP MEOW"  
"-"

**10. Inform him that "vantas" is a type of treatment for prostate cancer.(I learned that from my friend)  
**"that 2uck2 kk"  
"SHUT UP"**  
**

**11. Tell him that "vantas" is one letter off from "vanitas" which is Latin for vanity.  
**"THAT DESCRIBES YOu PERFECTLY"  
"NO IT DOESN'T!"**  
**

**12. It is two letters off from "ventus" which is Latin for wind.(Karkat always reminds me of Birth by Sleep)  
**"SO YOu'RE A VAIN WINDY P-"  
''DON'T. SAY. IT."  
"pro2tate"  
"!"**  
**

**13. Lock him in a room with cameras with Ventus and Vanitas from Birth By Sleep.  
**"Join with me!"  
"Never!"  
"We can make the ultimate keyblade!"  
"You tried to kill my friends!"  
"DON'T FILL A PAIL WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE!"  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
"What are you?"  
"You'd look good on my mantle."  
"-"

**14. Remind him of how he is the leader of a group that started at 12 and went down to 4."  
**"TECHNICALLY IT WENT DOWN TO SIX"  
"THE HuMANS DON'T COuNT BECAuSE THEY WEREN'T THERE ORIGINALLY. YOu HAVE LOST THE GAME!"**  
**

**15. Make fun of his nubby horns.  
**"COMPARED TO MY SISTER'S, YOuR HORNS SuCK!"  
"YOUR SISTER CAN SUCK MY BULDGE!"  
"excUse me? i do NOT ship that!"  
"compared two everyone kk'2 horn2 2uck"  
"THANKS FOR THE HELP SOLLUX"**  
**

**16. Make a shipping wall where the only pairing that Karkat is in is kismesis.(Reference to Karkalicious)  
**"I CAN FEEL RED FOR SOMEONE. I FEEL RED FOR TEREZI"  
"BuT THEN YOu SCREWED THAT RELATIONSHIP uP"**  
**

**17. Show him.  
**Karkat is ready to slap someone.**  
**

**18. Laugh when he tries to destroy it.  
**"WHY ISN'T IT COMING OFF?"  
"IT'S IMMORTAL PAINT!"

**19. Tell Karkat that no real man watches romcoms.  
**"THEY ARE GOOD!"  
"NO, THEY SuCK!"  
Once again, Kanaya has to act as an auspise(or whatever you would call it.)**  
**

**20. Make him play Kingdom Hearts 1 and don't let him stop. He will not be able to get past the second boss. If he finishes the game, immediatly launch him into Re:chain of memories, and etc. etc.  
**"WHY DOES THIS FUCKASS REMIND ME OF EGBERT? WHY IS THIS SO HARD AND ADDICTING?"  
"kk need2 two 2top playing 2tupid game2"

* * *

_Somehow, I feel like this got rid of some resentment I didn't even know I had. Sorry if this sucked. If you liked it, then, please, review and I will post another one. Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2: Aradia Megido

I DO NOT OWN HOMESTuCK OR ARADIA MEGIDO.  
Thanks to waterworks12 for being the first to favorite this.

* * *

20 Ways To Annoy Aradia Megido:

**1. Remind her of how she will never reach puberty, due to the fact that she died.  
**"why d0 y0u need to remind me 0f that?"

**2. Compare her horns to the Devil's.  
**"what is the devil?"  
"I Believe It Is Some Kind Of Villian From An Earth Story."

**3. Then tell her that in the Bible, Jesus(or in the trolls' case, the Sufferer/Signless) saved everyone from the Devil.(Sorry if anyone is offended.)  
**"i d0n't get what you're trying to imply."

**4. Whenever she's around, freak out like she's the Grudge or the girl from the well.(The Grudge and The Ring are two of the scariest movies ever, if you don't know them.)  
**"0h, these s0und like interesting m0vies"

**5. Try burning down her hive to stop her murderous rampage.(The Grudge reference.)  
**"0ddly enough, i aband0ned my hive f0r the ruins."  
"THE GRuDGE ABANDONED HER HIVE TO KILL PEOPLE"  
Someone has forced undyingUmbrage to watch a lot of movies. Not saying who, though.

**6. When that fails, push her down a well and cover the top of it with something heavy.  
**"crap. this sucks. hell0! any0ne 0ut there!"  
Near the well, Sollux and Feferi are talking about feelings.  
"do you hear 2omethiing?"  
"no glub"**  
**

**7. Throw a party and tell her it will be a funeral.  
**"yay! i can't wait f0r the funeral!"**  
**

**8. Laugh when she's surprised at the lack of dead bodies.  
**"WaIt, ThErE's SuPpOsEd To NoT bE dEaD bOdIeS? oH sHiT."  
"yay, a funeral!"**  
**

**9. Only give her flies and bugs to eat.  
**"can't i have a c00kie?"  
"NO, YOu CAN ONLY HAVE BuGS AND STuFF!"**  
**

**10. Always hop when she's around.  
**"HOP HOP HOP HOP"  
"what are y0u d0ing?"  
"IT'S A GAME"**  
**

**11. Act surprised when she doesn't hop.  
**"WHY 4R3N'T YOU HOPP1NG?"  
"because i d0n't want t0 make a f00l 0f myself"  
"XC"**  
**

**12. Ask her why she has wings if she's a frog.  
**"i have wings because i reached g0d tier"  
UU is too busy playing chess to care.**  
**

**13. Ask her why she has horns if she's a frog.  
**"that's a really stupid questi0n."  
UU is too busy getting porn from Dirk to care.**  
**

**14. Always try to kill Aradiabot with a Keyblade that you somehow got. When questioned, explain that Aradiabot has no heart, and only the Keyblade can defeat the Heartless.  
**"what is with all these kingd0m hearts references? it's n0t even in the same style!"**  
**

**15. Inform Aradia that she has a small amount of screen time compared to some others.(Like Egbert and Karkat. This one is mainly my own opinion, I don't know if it is true, but it would still annoy her.)  
**"I didn't think you had a small amout of screen time"  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO AGAIN?"  
"thanks, j0hn."**  
**

**16. Let Aradia know that she is the troll that is most frequently forgotten.(When I'm listing the trolls, I either forget Aradia, or Equius. Also, I have seen no Ask Aradia's on youtube.)  
**"s0b"  
"iit'2 okay aradiia"**  
**

**17. Spend at least an hour on Omegle trying to find as many Aradia roleplayers as possible and keep track of them.  
**"what will this pr0ve?"

**18. Let her know the results.(Again, mainly based on my opinion.)  
**"s0b"  
"quiit making aradiia 2ob!"**  
**

**19. Ask Aradia what horrible thing she did to make Sollux want to kill her.  
**"i d0n't even kn0w!"  
"hehehehehehehehe"

**20. Repeat all of the above and frequently as possible.  
**"!"

* * *

_FAIL, ARADIA IMPERSONATION, FAIL. I feel like these ones are a little harsh. Review and tell your friends! Next up is Sollux Captor._


	3. Chapter 3: Sollux Captor

Ok, so, I'm back and here's the next part for those of you who enjoy this! As usual, I do not own Homestuck or any of its characters. Nor do I own the video on youtube that is being referenced in # 13, or Axis Powers Hetalia.

* * *

20 ways to annoy Sollux Captor:

**1. Constantly remind Sollux that all his matesprits end up dead.  
**"So how are Aradia and Feferi lately? Oh, that's right. They're DEAD!"  
"2hut. up."

**2. Since Sollux has _vii2iion twofold_ and regular people with glasses are called "Four eyes," does that make Sollux "Eight eyes?"  
**"HEY EIGHT EYES"  
"where the fuck diid you get that from?"  
"TWO TIMES FOUR EQUALS EIGHT"  
"never call me eiight eye2"  
"WHY, EIGHT EYES?"

**3. Slip the mind honey into his food. Video tape it.  
**"Heh heh. Perfect blackmail."

**4. Show it to him and tape his reaction.  
**"what. the. fuck."

**5. Put both tapes on youtube.  
**"what. the. hell. diid. you. do. that. for?"

**6. When he hacks into the system to get them down, put them back up on every site possible. Get others to put it up, too.  
**"WHAT THE FUCKIING 2HIIT?"

**7. Laugh as he tries to get rid of them all.  
**"MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"  
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

**8. Ask him if his 3D colored eyes let him see eveything in 3D.  
"**what kiind of dumba22 que2tiion ii2 that?"

**9. When he answers, act like you ask him.  
**"Huh? Were you talking to me?"  
"of cour2e ii wa2. who el2e would ii be talkiing two?"  
"Well, definitly not me, I didn't say anything."  
"ye2 you diid"  
"No, I didn't."

**10. Always buzz like a bee around him.  
**"Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz."  
"what the hell are you doiing?"  
"Impersonating you. Buzz buzz buzz buzz."

**11. When talking to him, make bee puns. Lots and lots of bee puns.  
**"Wow, you sure are busy as a bee."  
"Are you a worker bee because of your low blood?"  
"How's the queen bee doing?"  
"2hut up!"

**12. Tell him that Feferi's goggles make him look fat.  
**"Sollux, those goggles make you look fat."  
"no they dont"  
"Not Only That, But They Are Very Tacky And Clash Completely With Your Outfit."  
"2hut up"

**13. Never let him forget what happened when he had some of Gamzee's cupcakes.  
**"Sollux! Sollux! Karkat stole my hands!"  
"wiill you ju2t let that go already?"  
"Sollux, you have to use your super eyebrow attack on him!"  
"apparently not"

**14. Ask him what his favorite kind of honey is.  
**"there2 only one kiind of honey"  
"No, there isn't."  
"ye2 there ii2"

**15. Whenever he swears, threaten not to give him a cookie.  
**"fuck"  
"No cookie for you!"  
"ii can have a cookiie iif ii want!"  
"Not if you don't know where they are."  
"fiine"

**16. Don't give him a cookie, anyways.  
**"where2 my cookiie?"  
"What cookie?"  
"the cookiie you 2aiid youd giive me iif ii diidnt 2wear"  
"I never said that."  
"ye2 you diid"

**17. Send him to speech therapy (with Doc Scratch).  
**"Now, say it like a gentle man: 'I went to the store to buy some tuna salad for the guests that are arriving at seven."  
"ii went two the 2tore two buy 2ome tuna for the gue2t2 that are arriiviing at 2even"  
"No, try it again."

**18. Send him to spend a day with South Korea if that fails.  
**"I like to touch thtuff! Do you like to touck thtuff? I exthpethially like to touch-"  
"-"

**19. Take away his hacking priveledges.  
**"why ii2nt my computer workiing?"  
"I unplugged some things."  
"what thiing2?"  
"Important things."

**20. Make his computer background an EriSol picture and set it so that he can't change it.(Though, he'll probably figure it out, eventually.)  
**"crap! ii hope eriidan doe2nt 2ee thii2"  
"oh sol, i didnt knoww you wwanted to fill a pail"  
"-"

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I feel like this one wasn't that good. Thanks for all the favorites and positive comments! Next will be Terezi, but I'm kinda stuck. If you lend me some ideas I will gladly give you credit for them.


	4. How to annoy Eridan part 1

So, I've decided to have this on this site, since it's never going to get up on quizilla. I'll do it where each character gets 20 ways still, but there will be separate stories, two ways per story probably. It is staying under the same name. Thank you for staying with this and here is **part one of How To Annoy Eridan.**

* * *

**1. Leave him anonymous love notes sending him on a wild goose chase. 2. Watch as he mistakes innocent bystanders as the one who left the notes.**

"what the hell ii2 eriidan doiing?" Sollux asked, suddenly appearing behind his glowing friend. They both were watching Eridan walk around in a circle, face towards the ground.  
"I Do Not Know," Kanaya said.  
Stomping on the ground, Eridan turned, "i knoww your back there!"  
"What Are You Doing?" Kanaya asked, stepping out from behind the tree.  
"wwell if you must knoww, Im lookin for notes left by my secret admirer." Eridan crossed his arms.  
Sollux had to cover his mouth to hold back laughter. "your... what?"  
"my secret admirer yes! I havve one!" Eridan began grinding his teeth.  
"Is This It?" Kanaya asked, scooping up a white scrap off the ground.  
"yeah thats it!" Eridan rushed over and snatched it from her hand. He begins unfolding it, but then a light bulb goes off above his head.  
"oh I get it..." he grins.  
"Get What?"  
"your the one leavving me these notes, kan"  
"What? N-no, I Just-" Eridan puts one finger on her mouth.  
"dont speak my little fanged beauty"  
Eridan never saw the book coming for his head.  
"Rose!" Eridan cussed while picking himself up off the ground. He turned around to get Rose's needle in his face.  
"next time you hit on my girlfriend, I'll kick the **** out of you!" she shouted, before grabbing Kanaya's hand and storming away.  
Eridan and Sollux just stare after them for a moment.  
"hey so-"  
"no." Sollux de-materialized with a whooshing sound, leaving Eridan alone with his tears.


End file.
